If you can call it that I guess. To normal people who have never been depressed and yes those people exist they may get sad or upset but not to the extent I do or other fellow “mentally challenged emotionally” people. Anyways, I want to reorganize my blog and maybe make it less embarrassing and actually tell people I know about it so that they can see how I ARE. but also that’s scary, I’m scary, and I write some deep dark shit. So I think I will make a twitter account since maybe I will post more often my ramblings from day to day and listen to others.
I have a good therapist now. I’ve gone through about 4 before really wonderfully connecting with this one. So don’t give up on therapists! Or doctors just keep switching if you can! And if you can’t just make a shit ton of suggestions and do your own research! It took like literally begging and threatening to die to get a good psychiatrist so keep that in mind.
One of the things that struck me in my therapy sesh today was the fact, I just want to be happy. And my therapist pointed out that Yeah it’s a desirable state but unrealistic to be happy all the time. Maybe I just meant I wanted to be OK and not melting down on a daily basis. Which is a more attainable state. So I mean I’ve had some shitty things happen to me lately and that have impacted my mood (car crash, student loans cut off, other unmentionable incidents). And instead of screaming and crying it all out, I numbed it with booze, drugs, and distractions, and buying stuff. Yeah so I’m gonna let myself scream and cry it out. Unfortunately these pangs of emotion tend to come on at the least convenient times but oh well had more embarrassing things happen. I know I won’t die from my emotions but it sure feels like it!