Time to see psychiatrist again!  In angry phase instead of depressed phase not sure which is worse….

The only relief I get from my depression is when I’m going through an angry phase.  I think my brain just gets so tired of being tired and rebels. Unfortunately,  I lose it quite badly at people when it is totally uncalled for. I just don’t have an off button and if I drink it’s even worse.  I’m still deeply tired and stressed.  I’m taking a lot of supplements in addition to my medications cymbalta and abilify.  They used to work quite well but now I’m debating if I should even take them considering the prices and the fact I feel fucking insane. I’m trying to do the exercise thing and what not but it’s just not enough.  

#depression #psychiatrist #abilify #cymbalta 

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I’ve become too reliant on benzos and other substances 

I was quite ecstatic to try Ability again because it would for me in the past.  Just 2mg plus my Cymbalta was enough. But now I’m drinking too much and taking all kinds of downers and sometimes uppers because I’m just so FUCKING sick of feeling like shit. 

I know happiness is not a constant feeling but just to feel OK. Enough to get shit done.  To want to keep going…. 

Long time no post…. Unfortunately not do to any significant improvements! 

I can’t remember the last time I posted but I’ve gone down hill. In many ways, I’m beginning to think I’m borderline as I cannot let good things happen to me unless I’m wasted and still then I punish myself.  So much good and bad and sorta growing up I don’t want to do. I just want to run away. 

I’m really miserable

Source: I’m really miserable

Weee ambien times with Amy shumer

http://thehairpin.com/2011/07/a-goodbye-to-ambien-in-dubai/

Definitely a drug I take….

Good imgur stuffs

Yay started twitter

Yeah started twitter like the twit that I am….  Someday I won’t have acne and maybe stick to a diet and lose this weight I gained from the drugs….  Jk probably not.

Follow me if you DARE @depressionica.

So I don’t post much anymore but “So Sad Today” who has posted advice on Vice has inspired me!

If you can call it that  I guess.  To normal people who have never been depressed and yes those people exist they may get sad or upset but not to the extent I do or other fellow “mentally challenged emotionally” people. Anyways,  I want to reorganize my blog and maybe make it less embarrassing and actually tell people I know about it so that they can see how I ARE. but also that’s scary,  I’m scary,  and I write some deep dark shit.  So I think I will make a twitter account since maybe I will post more often my ramblings from day to day and listen to others.
   I have a good therapist now.  I’ve gone through about 4 before really wonderfully connecting with this one.  So don’t give up on therapists! Or doctors just keep switching if you can! And if you can’t just make a shit ton of suggestions and do your own research! It took like literally begging and threatening to die to get a good psychiatrist so keep that in mind. 
    One of the things that struck me in my therapy sesh today was the fact,  I just want to be happy.  And my therapist pointed out that Yeah it’s a desirable state but unrealistic to be happy all the time.  Maybe I just meant I wanted to be OK and not melting down on a daily basis. Which is a more attainable state.         So I mean I’ve had some shitty things happen to me lately and that have impacted my mood (car crash,  student loans cut off,  other unmentionable incidents).  And instead of screaming and crying it all out,  I numbed it with booze, drugs,  and distractions,  and buying stuff.  Yeah so I’m gonna let myself scream and cry it out.  Unfortunately these pangs of emotion  tend to come on at the least convenient times but oh well had more embarrassing things happen.  I know I won’t die from my emotions but it sure feels like it!

Good article genetics!

http://blog.nami.org/2014/12/depression-scientific-approach.html?m=1

Onion makes me cry from….

Laughter!!

See Prozac and his life story
Herehttp://www.theonion.com/articles/antidepressant-cant-believe-its-expected-to-fix-th,37309/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview%3AWeek1%3ADefault