I am ridiculously stable lately. Being on abilify 2mg, cymbalta 60mg and CBD oil.

In addition I take 500mg magnesium, 2 ferrimax, Omega 3 900mg, and ginko bilboa 240mg everyday. I am also trying to exercise more and not sleep all day which does make me more calm but is hard on the body. Pain also depresses/paralyses me.

CBD and cymbalta kill pain better than T3s for me.

Forcing myself to meditate and clean up after myself does make a significant difference on my mental health. I denied this in my head for a long time as an excuse. I would say things to myself like “it’s all chemical, no actions will help.” Not true even if the resistance is extreme.

I start work again after feeling for years I would never be able to work full time again. I’m glad that my greatest fears aren’t entirely true. It took me longer than necessary to land employment. After tons of interviews (which I didn’t prepare for but in my mind I did) I was getting sick of it all. I thought maybe it was something I was doing. I was presenting myself all wrong. I mean what the fuck exactly is “projecting confidence” anyways.

Luckily after searching “charisma” tips on YouTube I came across Vanessa Van Edwards‘ TED talk “you are contagious.” She calls herself a recovering awkward person and after listening to her videos for hours I have learnt why I’ve had too many goddamn awkward moments and poor interactions with people which no doubt is bad for my mental health

Depression also comes across in my voice. One thing Vanessa mentioned is that charasmatic people are always on where as I’m often “off” when depressed. My inconsistent personality often confuses people. But I mean whatever at least I’m on sometimes….

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About depressionica

just a typical depressive analyzing their depression!

One response »

  1. Congrats! What kind of job did you get?

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