I can’t get time or money back or youthfulness? I have wasted lots of lovely young person time on not getting anything done really, just aging. Aging, literally. I had my DNA sequenced which I probably mentioned before but I forget if I did. My telomeres are shorter than the average person my age. Telemores are the things that protect your DNA so it doesn’t go funky and are kinda like protective molecules. If they run out you die, just like the cloned sheep. I didn’t think too much about it but recently I saw a documentary about telomeres and how stress significantly reduces them. Cool makes sense for me, I’ve spent my entire life being worried, even at 3 years old I couldn’t relax, ever. Should I try to become unperma stressed about things I don’t really need to worry about because worrying about things doesn’t make me actually get up and change or fix anything anyways? I dunno. I still meet elderly people trying to hang on and preserve their life just to outlive nasty relatives (jolly ol’ Xmas stories).
I made a nice sum of money this year and I had enough to travel to finally take a trip somewhere..maybe gain some growth and insight about myself..nah I slept more, exercised less, smoked more weed, drank more beer, complained more and just obsessed over my clothing size.
I even quit a good job… : S did not get fired sigh…
My self worth has reached all time low but all I can do is sabotage. I am really sick of my low self esteem. I am a good person I just need to interact with the general public or watch some day time TV to come to the conclusion that I deserve stuff and happiness more importantly. I think just by asking that question I am already better than most people who think they deserve it all for absolutely nothing cause fuck everyone fuck everything as a stupid person I once dated told me…anyway I can do stuff this year and stop being mean to myself I think because I did it long enough even if I thought I deserved it for whatever reason(not being rich, in med school winning Nobel prizes at age 25).
I will win I think maybe sorta this year.
Beer is still awesome and weed makes me realize many philosophical things I would probably not have realized otherwise…


About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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