I found this on the wonderful website BUST magazine. I think it is important I keep this in mind as with the medications I take being overweight is not something I can prevent or help (at all! even with amphetamines!). It has made me really depressed and definitely makes me want to not take my meds and be depressed but of course skinny. Being overweight is NOT something I am used to. I grew up one of those skinny girls who ate bags of oreo cookies and ice cream out of the box and remained a size small. I have lost a lot of confidence not being a size 0 and I know everyone is like “boo-hoooo I’ve never been a small blah blah blah”. I have really low self esteem and that was one of the things I noticed people were jealous of (not that it made me anymore friends). Oh well, I guess size 2 to 12, I got curves now and lots of muscle.

you're welcome.

I’m a lot of things: I’m queer, white, upper middle class, an organizer, a nerd, a clothes horse…

I’m also fat.

That’s an easy thing for me to say, and it’s a hard thing for many people to hear. And it impacts me more immediately, frequently and overtly than a lot of my identities.

When I tell people I’m fat, the most common reaction is panic: they assume I’m calling myself ugly, and they feel pressured or compelled to disabuse me of that notion. But people clearly notice my size all the time. Servers at restaurants notice it when they seat me. People on the bus notice it when they decide when and whether to make an empty seat available for me. Nurses notice it when they tell me I’ll have to be weighed as part of my physical, and then wince. It’s the worst-kept secret around. So I just…

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About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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