I am happy that people have come out and openly talked about having depression. It is much less awkward than the fascination I had with other fellow students in high school looking for their scars, hearing rumors of suicide attempts and looking for more specific scars. This started when I was 11, in elementary school (as my district didn’t have middle school, just straight from being a baby to be in a school with 18 year old boys..with cars…which I dated).

I thought this one girl would be pretty happy but then again she cried if she didn’t get 100% on a test and I kinda thought of her as a stuck up person for that. They would often let her redo tests because of it. I, at the time, didn’t care at all about grades, school, learning etc. so couldn’t relate. My friend has told me she cuts herself up like her older brother, and of course I looked at her arms. All I can remember is large cuts in the shape of hearts.

There was another popular guy, popular because he was soooo nice to everyone and his mom was the librarian, and he rocked a cool curly fro. Someone told me he attempted suicide when we were in grade 6, (I think we talked about it a year later though). So eventually, at a party I did get a glimpse of his wrists and yeah they were the thick, small but deep slashes you see on “attempted suicide” wrists. Poor guy.

I didn’t start cutting until I was 14, I think. I saw it more in high school. The designated “emo/goth” kids flaunted them. I didn’t relate because I feel it is so deeply personal, I wouldn’t want to share it with the world or show anyone my weakness.  Cutting can be seen as a weakness, cry for help or even a strength. “That chick must be tough and crazy if she can slash HERSELF up…”

In conclusion, other depressed people fascinated me and also other people with low self-esteem I guess you can say because I had no idea what was going on in my head 90% of the time…


About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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