Don’t think they are working OR
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN TOO much other crap is going on in my life for me to tell especially the whole sleeping pill possible addiction (what? srsly? yeah….slowly admitting this to myself). I am quitting ECT for a now. I am stopping my weekly electrically induced brain spasms. The last time hurt quite a bit which I am assuming is possibly because each time they might have to use more electricity to give me the seizure(missing academic quote here).
Friends and family say I “DO” seem better (maybe they are just noticing?) but I seem to have these epic non-PMS related random lows. I have been letting myself cry and trying not to cut. And sometimes it works. Sometimes Caffeine works, distraction, etc. I usually lie in bed and try to read shit on Positively Positive (which I love, don’t get me wrong but stuff like that seems to be hella more effective when I am at least mildly content). I am currently afraid of working or going to class because of this though. Sigh, but I am working on being organized and preparing myself for an easy return to the real world and WORKING ON STOPPING THE SELF-SABOTAGE! I have to <shudder> love myself….I do and I don’t >.<”’ (I feel like that about many things…..)