And it isn’t even working for him. He is also still in the mental ward. I usually see him when I am getting my ECT done since they always do 2 people at a time at like 6am before the psychiatrists have to start seeing patients. My doc is looking really sad lately. I even saw him in the hall when I was leaving with my mom and said hi but he was in his own little world. Poor guy, he is a good doc always on top the latest research but it must be tough if something serious happens to a patient.

I said before ECT did work amazingly for me after 8, So amazingly I begged my doc to stop them and also I honestly felt “cured”. I felt like “Oh holy shit, so this is how normal people feel? wow…” Even when I was on a good combo of Cymbalta or mood stabilizers or Prozac. I always felt like I was either gonna crash or explode.

And it happened(especially under stressful times). Although, I am working on my self-sabotaging tendencies and my allowing myself to be happy and successful cause as a person with low self-esteem/worth/etc,(University, the media, and mainly MYSELF did this)

It’s bloody hard!

Here I am still alive, no memory loss that I am aware of yet.


About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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