To calm myself down when I am having a mental health reality break moment. I am supposed to stay in the moment. Staying in the moment is happiness. No, I don’t want to stay in this moment I feel terrible, my brain is out of happy chemicals and most likely producing massive amounts of bad ones. Get me away from this moment. What scares is me is when these anger/sad/crazy bad/almost headache want to cry burst etc, moments start to happen more frequently. Followed by, apathetic sadness, sleepiness, collaspingness periods. Once in the collapsed apathetic period I lay in my bed in a weird uncomfortable position and imagine a person standing over with me with a weapon saying they will kill me instantly if I don’t get up. There are times when I wouldn’t. I almost want to test the hypothesis but obliviously can’t. The fact that life doesn’t have as many immediate consequences  as I thought it would in order to keep my apathy at bay, has not helped me stop my self-sabotaging.


About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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