Yay, so I am more than half way done my batch of ECT treatments. And I am still feeling very different. Things smell different, seem different in many ways. I have a lot more energy and don’t feel like drinking/doing drugs all the time and can see why people actually want to live on a daily basis! I hate the ECT process and the fact I can’t drive for 24 hours after. I just really don’t like being put under. It actually kinda scares me the fact everything seems different. I am hoping to go off anti-depressants after treatments since the side effects are quite annoying and my liver probably doesn’t enjoy them much either. Also I get MAD hang overs when I drink while taking my pills. I am going to see Amanda Palmer this weekend! WOOOOO! Also, this whole lady gaga getting “fat” (sexy sized geez) is interesting. At least she is not going to starve herself too much hopefully anymore and has admitted her anorexia. I think it will help other girls admit it otherwise (including someone I know very closely). I can’t really understand anorexia myself because I was always a size 0-4 my whole life (until anti-depressants) But don’t worry girls are just as cruel when you are thin so you think you are ugly and unattractive anyways…(possibly was the fact I had an attractive bf I dunno why am I babbling). Yes, ECT I have been telling more people about it than I originally intended to, mainly because the response I get is generally positive. I was super duper vocally depressed before so I think my best friends just want to see me ok. I tell a lot of health care workers I have to see too. Basically, I don’t want to waste my life being depressed and making stupid wasteful decisions as I was doing more frequently before (and not having any fun doing it anyways). It will be weird actually accomplishing stuff regularly and I am so used to self-sabotaging it will take some work getting used to being proud. 

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About depressionica

Young sciency/arsty/etc girl who is highly interested in her own problem, depression and mental illness. She takes the scientific approach and is constantly reading new research and self-help books.

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