2018 was a bad year for me in all aspects of my life including relationships, health, career-wise, and accomplishing what I want.
Despite hating myself and feeling like shit, I started to work on myself mentally and emotionally. I keep track of my progress in my agenda and using an app called Daylio.
I have seen hundreds of self-help videos and one of my favorite speakers I came across was Mel Robbins. Her most popular TED talk is self-sabotage something that I struggle with daily. It’s what is holding me back from achieving my goals and living the life I truly desire.
Here is her video:
How to stop screwing yourself over
Part of what is preventing me from accomplishing goals, is making the decision on what to focus on. There’s so much I want to change about my life that I can’t even start or focus on a task long enough to complete it. But I also know that I have an underlying belief that I don’t deserve anything I desire…
Robbins states, “Motivation is never there when we need it.” People, including myself, wait for motivation and “feeling like doing something” before we start.
I have convinced myself that I need to feel good all the time. I base my actions on how I feel in the moment and most of the time I feel pretty shitty. And when I feel bad, I don’t feel good. I have this belief that I should only do things when I feel good because otherwise, what is the point? Why suffer?
I realize now that to get going accomplishing a goal I have to “suffer” a bit even though I absolutely hate unnecessary suffering. I also understand that I might not actually be suffering and my interpretation might be wrong. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.
She reiterates you have to force yourself to change. Forcing myself to do anything feels uncomfortable and when I am uncomfortable I tend to get annoyed and I get mad. I have a belief that being mad is “bad”. Once I am in a bad mood it’s even more challenging to focus and be productive so I have to break this cycle. It feels like there is this giant force trying to stop me but at the same time I don’t even know what it is.
To break away from a routine is going to require force. I hate this. When I already feel like shit trying to accomplish something seems as easy as “pulling myself up by my boot straps”. I struggle and pull as hard as I can but nothing happens. Yet I can’t help myself and keep wasting energy pulling because I have to feel like I am trying or else anxiety sets in.
Our brain loves autopilot because our brain wants to take the path of least resistance. Why? My guess is to conserve energy.
Getting back to mindset. I have a poor mindset and since I have tried to improve my life and failed over and over I am going to try a different approach. I’m going to follow a program instead of just “wishing” things would change on their own. I chose to do Mel Robbins’ guide to goal setting because I like her, I like her ideas and it’s free.
I research concepts that are hard to understand like visualization of goals so that I can fully comprehend and put them to use.
This year I will change my life around or at least figure out what I even mean by that.